


All of Them

by rxnanj



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-10 22:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8941372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxnanj/pseuds/rxnanj
Summary: this is just a bumch of shit that i have written. idk. alan if youre reading this suck my dick





	1. Lin/Vanessa

**Author's Note:**

> Vanessa finds an old photo of Lin and Tobi and it gets Sad. 
> 
> (based off of the picture in this tweet if you want to look at that as a reference idk https://twitter.com/lin_manuel/status/811579668717518849)

Vanessa had been going through old pictures all morning and reminiscing in the past. Not in a bad way. Their lives were great now, but so much had changed in the past three years and sometimes it was good to look back fondly at what used to be.  
After stumbling on an old photo of Lin and Tobi, she got up to show Lin. He always loved to see older pictures of the pup.  
"Isn't she so small Lin? I miss it. We should get another puppy. Sebastian would love it. Maybe a Christmas gift? I am at home most of the time so we wouldn't have to worry about training it-" Lin cut her off.  
"Yeah I was small too." She looked up at his face from the photo. He looked upset.  
"Lin? What? No I'm talking about the dog. We should get a new dog-" He cut her off once more, looking down at himself as he spoke.  
"Did you notice that I've gained so much weight since Hamilton started. I should really lay off the Christmas cookies." He trailed off with a bitter laugh.  
"Lin. Look at me." After he wouldn't meet her eye, she grabbed his chin and gently tilted his head up. "You are beautiful. Just the way you are."  
"Shut up. You're just saying that to make me feel better. Anyone with eyes can see that I've gained at least thirty pounds in the past year. I can'teven look at myself in the mirror anymore without feeling sick." He removed her hand from his face and turned to walk away.  
"Lin don't walk away from me." She grabbed his arm and faced him toward her, putting her phone down on the table beside her. "You are wonderful and beautiful and I don't care what you look like, you're always going to be the most handsome man in the world."  
Blushing, he looked toward the ground.  
"I just can't—I can't love myself Vanessa, not like this." She turned his head once more and noticed that the man had tears in his eyes. She grabbed his face with both of her hands and kissed him once on the lips.  
"Well I love you. And that's got to count for something."  
A single tear fell as he replied.  
"It does, V. It really does."  
She pulled him into a hug, whispering in his ear that she loves him, he's beautiful, and she will always be there for him.  
Minutes, maybe hours passed. They were lost to the world.


	2. Lin/Vanessa with Lin/Jon (ish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon finds out that Lin isn't coming home for the holidays and he doesn't take it too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I originally sent this to a friend so it is written really weird and idk yeah whatever. 
> 
> ALSO!!!!! there are mentions of suicide and like it is described so if that is triggering for you, please dont read!!!

Jon had been in a daze for the past week. When news got out that Lin was not in fact coming back to the states for Christmas, his heart shattered and he had spun out of control. The only thing keeping him from falling apart for the past few months was the fact that he only had to wait until December to see Lin again. Jon hung onto the small hope that Lin would be coming home, to him. But now that's ruined because as Lea had so eloquently put it, "Lin will be spending the holidays an ocean away with his real family."  
   
So for the past week, Jon had been crying himself to sleep after drinking unearthly amounts of alcohol. Lea invites him over for a Christmas party. He indulges in some eggnog—4 parts rum, 1 part eggnog—claiming to really be getting into the Christmas spirit. But Lea can see how far gone he is. She knows why he has been beating himself up, but there isn't much she can do for him.  
   
She sends him home in a cab after the alcohol gets the better of him and he says a few choice words to Lea's cousin.  
   
When, by some miracle, he arrives back at his apartment, he opens a bottle of vodka. Something he had stashed away in his freezer months ago.  
   
He gets even more drunk just to numb himself but it doesn't work because it just intensifies everything. Every feeling that he had hoped to drown drowns him.  
   
   
   
It's Christmas Eve when Jon gives in and calls Lin's phone. Of course, 1 AM on Christmas Eve night puts it at 7 AM in London, Christmas morning and Lin is helping Seb open his presents. He asks Vanessa to get his phone out of the bedroom.  
   
Jon's shaking and as soon as she answers his knees buckle and he collapses to the floor.  
She waits a moment before saying hello again, but before she can get a word in, she hears a loud bang and the line goes dead.  
   
Vanessa knows Lin wasn't expecting a call from Jon and she doesn't tell Lin anyway. If Lin knew what had happened, that Jon had called, then it would most likely drive him nuts. It was Christmas. She couldn't ruin Christmas. Vanessa walks back to the living room and acts like nothing happened.

"Who was it, babe?"  
   
"Oh no one, they had the wrong number." She says flippantly, and convincingly as well. Lin turns back to Sebastian and for the better part of the morning, everything is normal.  
   
In a last minute decision to call Tommy to tell the older man Merry Christmas, Lin goes through his call log. He sees that it was Jon who had called earlier that morning, not someone with the wrong number. Irritated, Lin tries calling back only to hear a message saying that the call cannot be completed.  
   
The first thing Lin can think to do is call Lea because if Jon really did do something crazy like change his number, Lea would know what is going on. She doesn't answer the first time he calls, which only worries him more but she picks up almost instantly when he tries again.  
   
"Lea, it's Lin. I tried calling Jon but his phone is either not working or he blocked me."  
   
"Yeah, well…" He can hear that shes been crying and his heart starts racing.  
   
"Well what?? Is he alright, whats going on?" His voice is urgent and Vanessa hears from the other room.  
   
"He's not-" She begins but cant finish the sentence. Vanessa walks into the kitchen where Lin is sitting on a bar stool.  
   
"Lea tell me. What happened?" His voice cracks, and he can only assume the worst. But surely, Jon is alright. Maybe he got into a bicycle accident and sprained his ankle.  
   
"Lin he tried to–He's not waking up and the doctors don't know how long he will be like this–" She's rambling now and Lin can hardly make sense of anything. "They pumped his stomach but I got there too late and I don't know why you didn't just answer your damn phone because he's so pale and sick and he looks like he's already dead."  
Lins eyes are brimming with tears, and Vanessa grows more worried but she knows interrupting the conversation to ask whats wrong wont help.  
   
"Lea calm down. What do you mean they had to pump his stomach? Is he going to be alright?"  
Lea is sobbing again and Lin's tears are falling one after another.  
   
"He tried to kill himself Lin. He had been drinking all night and then he took half a bottle of Benadryl and I don't think he really wanted to die or else he wouldn't have called me to help, but I was too late, Lin. I got there and I thought he was dead and he was barely breathing. He's in a medically induced coma now and they don't know if how long he will be like that. But I sent him home last night Lin. If I would've let him crash at my house he wouldn't have done it and he would be fine and I just–"  
   
Lin breaks down now and Vanessa barely catches him before he falls to the ground.  
   
"Lea, its not your fault. He will be just fine. I can come to New York and see him and he will be fine. He wont. die he cant die. He can't–" He begins hyperventilating, stunned and Vanessa cries as she holds him tight. 

She hugs Lin and tells him to breathe and for a moment, she wonders if this is all her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment any requests you have !


	3. Lin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is super short, but its just a little thing i wrote a LONG time ago idk. hope u like it

He turns on the shower at times when he feels like this. He wants to feel clean, so the shower, as hot as the settings will allow, breaks him in. 

He stands under the stream for as long as he can bear, the constant heat pounding on his back a reminder. Softly, a voice whispers and he recognizes it, though now a distant memory. The voice tells him-no, reminds him-that he cant be who he is. 

The voice used to tell him happy things. Things about a bright future and new beginnings. Things about being a person. But now, as the heat and pressure of the water raining down on him is making him numb, it tells him only one thing. 

"Nobody needs to know."


End file.
